The age of the twenty-somethings and the purpose of discovery

2-21-11 (RM, France)

A recent WSJ article highlights the fact that many women are getting tired of seeing twenty-something men in what is termed "an extended adolescence" or "pre-adulthood." To this I say, get your cultural conservative values out of my life. It seems the author of this particular article prefers that men act according to an antiquated male gender role.

The joys of living in an economic and politically free society have afforded women the opportunity to shed off traditional marriage and gender roles based on the division of labor within the family unit. Men were defined by their role as the economic breadwinner while women were defined in their role within the household. I, for one, am glad that these cultural institutions have been and are continuing to be challenged.

As a methodological individualist, it is exciting for me to see individual men being able to define themselves based on what brings them personal happiness rather than defining themselves based on a culturally imposed model. It is also culturally interesting to see the phenomenon where men and women are actually starting to seek out mates that share passions, hobbies, and interests. This is a far cry from the days where marriages were arranged or just expected for various social, political, or economic reasons.

Perhaps our generation's new found freedom in terms of gender roles highlights a deeper divide of what generally brings men and women joy in their lives. It is not surprising to me, for instance, that the video game industry is one of the fastest growing forms of entertainment on the planet with revenues in the billions. However, rather than complaining about how individuals may differ in what makes them happy, maybe it would just be easier to adopt a live and let live mentality. For example, I will never, ever, not in a million years, care about make-up or clothes. I recognized the fact however, that my previous girlfriend did and would sometimes listen to her talk about how she bought this or that or liked certain colors, etc. I didn't care about the hobby itself, but I was glad that she had found something that brought her some joy. She was nice enough to listen to me sometimes when I wanted to talk about games, sports, or other things that I had interest in. There was a nice balance.

I have been told many times in my life that I take things too seriously, think too much, etc. As of late, I have been really taking this criticism to heart and trying to reverse my outlook on life. One of my reasons for being in Paris is to find a new side of myself that is more able to enjoy the small, fun things in life. I have been going out more, meeting people, dancing, having mindless conversations about random things, and having fun. While I still find discussion and debate a worthy form of entertainment which brings me joy, I have also discovered other things that I am able to incorporate into my life and to help me re-define who I am.

My previous girlfriend once told me that growing up and gaining more responsibility was just part of life, but we choose whether or not to adopt an "adult" mentality. By this I think she meant that many people often lose parts of their lives that bring them joy. It is a great unspoken tragedy I think that most people would prefer to hang on to youthful activities that make them happy but they feel that they would somehow stand out in a negative way. An Abilene Paradox to be sure.

Why should I give up playing video or tabletop games, reading comics and science fiction, listening to punk rock, or anything else just because some person might find it childish? Please. I will wait for someone who loves me for my personality, my interest, and my passions and not because I fit some sociological norm or gender role standard.