12-25-10 (Colleyville, TX, USA)
It was a fairly slow Christmas this year, but for good reason. My time living abroad will probably cost more than I think since I am not used to exchange fees and rates. I am extremely grateful for the help my parents are giving me in funding this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Christmas was not entirely without a few great presents however. I got a large bottle of Burberry Brit cologne as well as some pretty interesting ear-muffs that fit behind one's head instead of over it. My mom also found me a frame that would accommodate my UT ID card with Mack Brown's signature on it.
Tomorrow (Sunday the 26th) is the last day I have to get my luggage in order and make sure everything I need is packed. So far I have all of my dress shirts, ties, sweaters, t-shirts, underwear and shorts in one duffel bag. I plan on putting shoes (with socks stuffed inside), polos, and misc items into my other duffel tomorrow. My dad was kind enough to loan me his ultra-roomy laptop backpack, which is large enough to fit my computer gear, files, and school supplies (including extra batteries for the calculator.)
For those readers who have traveled oversees before, please feel free to make comments about what items you would pack or leave. Most of my stuff revolves around items of clothing so I'm trying to bring outfits that will work in layers for each weather season. I'll have two medium/large size duffel bags, one backpack, and one hang-up bag for my suits and sport coats.
Sitting down for Christmas dinner tonight reminded me of all the things I am leaving behind and all the people I am going to miss. It feels like my entire life has drastically been altered in a surprisingly short amount of time so I hope that I am mentally prepared to make the transition. A few weeks ago I was sitting on my couch with the woman I love, watching sci-fi on netflix and playing with my cats. Today I was still watching sci-fi, but Leroy (my youngest cat) was my only company. I can't help but think of the empty apartment in Norman, Oklahoma where I once had a pretty stable, comfortable life. Although I won't let the past get in the way of an amazing journey in Europe, I'll always look back fondly at my time in Oklahoma and always hope that parts of that life are not entirely gone forever.
Lastly, I didn't realize how hard it would be for me to leave my cat, Leroy, behind. He is pretty dependent on me and follows me around the house looking for attention. When I am not in his line of site, he tracks me down, howling to me to come find him. I'm glad he will be living with my parents and brother as well as our family cat, Koala. The two cats seem to be getting along pretty smoothly, despite Koala's old age and stubborn ways. Leroy has been very respectful of Koala's territory and has not tried to attack him. Koala has been good so far, with very minimal growling. I think he is actually more interested in going into my room when Leroy is out and about so that he (Koala) can eat Leroy's canned food.
Song(s) of the Day: Christmas music!
Showing posts with label worries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worries. Show all posts
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas Countdown
I finally received my passport complete with student visa in the mail today. This was good news since it was literally the last day the mail would have been delivered before my scheduled departure date. Present crisis averted. I also got my scholarship check from OU today. I'll deposit it at the ATM tomorrow after all my presents have been opened.
I spent last night at a house party with old friends from high school. Needless to say it was a fun time but it was also very depressing to see all the happy married couples and people getting engaged. I still find it strange to see people my age living in nice homes, working good jobs, and spending their life with someone. Hopefully after my studies in France are concluded I can find a great job and begin paying off loans and saving for a new car and a home.
Although I have enjoyed my time spent living around the country, working, and going back to school, I feel very unaccomplished in my life. I guess the realization that I am entering my late twenties (27) in a few weeks has got me thinking about wanting something more for myself and my life. I have a feeling that my second master's degree in Paris will be the most important step in beginning this process. It is definitely the time to focus on my goals and work as hard as possible in order to have options when I move back stateside.
I spent last night at a house party with old friends from high school. Needless to say it was a fun time but it was also very depressing to see all the happy married couples and people getting engaged. I still find it strange to see people my age living in nice homes, working good jobs, and spending their life with someone. Hopefully after my studies in France are concluded I can find a great job and begin paying off loans and saving for a new car and a home.
Although I have enjoyed my time spent living around the country, working, and going back to school, I feel very unaccomplished in my life. I guess the realization that I am entering my late twenties (27) in a few weeks has got me thinking about wanting something more for myself and my life. I have a feeling that my second master's degree in Paris will be the most important step in beginning this process. It is definitely the time to focus on my goals and work as hard as possible in order to have options when I move back stateside.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Nervous/Anxious and Heartbroken/Confused
12-22-2010 (Colleyville, TX, USA)
I'm definitely feeling some trepidation about leaving the country and moving to Paris for seven months. I just left Norman on Monday night and the week seems like it is flying by. It feels like there is so much to do and so many loose ends to tie up before leaving. All of my belongings are clogging up my parents garage and all my clothes are sporadically thrown about on the dining room table waiting to be folded, sorted, and packed. I still have no idea how to pay my first month's rent or deposit before I move in and I need to be able to stay in my apartment the day I arrive. Also, I'm clueless as to what credits from OU will be able to transfer to IFP. Needless to say, I think I could do without another organization behavior class. Ick....
My recent ended relationship is definitely taking a toll on my ability to be excited or happy. I feel as though I could cry at any minute due to the significant feeling of loss I am experiencing. I'm still so confused as to what happened or why. Although I don't think it was anything I did or didn't do in the course of the relationship, I can't help but feel like I am lacking somehow or that it was possibly my fault. I am also having paranoid feelings that my ex left me for someone else or the possibility of being with someone else. My sense of worth is in shambles as I try to clutch the last remnants of what was lost close to my heart. The recent memories of lying next to my love in bed, stroking her skin as she listened to my heartbeat stings me like an open wound that won't heal. Just when I think I have a handle on the situation, tears flow like blood from the cut.
Readers might be asking themselves, "Hey Chris, isn't this a travel blog? Why are you boring me with your stupid feelings and what not?" I guess the reason is that I feel like my relationship might not have ended if I hadn't made the choice to travel to France. I'm feeling guilty and confused about my decision even though I know it is too late to change things. I am going to try my best to enjoy my time in France, but I'm sure that it will take more of an effort now than it ordinarily would. My sadness is deep and relentless. I hope that writing these posts, while heart-wrenching, will help me explore my own thoughts on the situation. Also it will give you, the reader (if you so desire,) an insight into what I am going through at the moment.
People say that time heals all wounds, but how can you recover from a love that transcended time and distance? Though they say that true love comes once in a lifetime, I can attest to the fact that I continually fell in love, again and again, with the same person each day. I felt like my love was still growing, it had not diminished, and it had not been fully experienced or explored. I'll always regret (if in fact this is forever) that I will never know the full depths, dimensions, and aspects of giving and receiving love to/from her. As always, to my friends, family, and well-wishers, your friendship and support are much appreciated.
Song of the Day: Vibrate by Ghostland Observatory (the groove cheers me up)
I'm definitely feeling some trepidation about leaving the country and moving to Paris for seven months. I just left Norman on Monday night and the week seems like it is flying by. It feels like there is so much to do and so many loose ends to tie up before leaving. All of my belongings are clogging up my parents garage and all my clothes are sporadically thrown about on the dining room table waiting to be folded, sorted, and packed. I still have no idea how to pay my first month's rent or deposit before I move in and I need to be able to stay in my apartment the day I arrive. Also, I'm clueless as to what credits from OU will be able to transfer to IFP. Needless to say, I think I could do without another organization behavior class. Ick....
My recent ended relationship is definitely taking a toll on my ability to be excited or happy. I feel as though I could cry at any minute due to the significant feeling of loss I am experiencing. I'm still so confused as to what happened or why. Although I don't think it was anything I did or didn't do in the course of the relationship, I can't help but feel like I am lacking somehow or that it was possibly my fault. I am also having paranoid feelings that my ex left me for someone else or the possibility of being with someone else. My sense of worth is in shambles as I try to clutch the last remnants of what was lost close to my heart. The recent memories of lying next to my love in bed, stroking her skin as she listened to my heartbeat stings me like an open wound that won't heal. Just when I think I have a handle on the situation, tears flow like blood from the cut.
Readers might be asking themselves, "Hey Chris, isn't this a travel blog? Why are you boring me with your stupid feelings and what not?" I guess the reason is that I feel like my relationship might not have ended if I hadn't made the choice to travel to France. I'm feeling guilty and confused about my decision even though I know it is too late to change things. I am going to try my best to enjoy my time in France, but I'm sure that it will take more of an effort now than it ordinarily would. My sadness is deep and relentless. I hope that writing these posts, while heart-wrenching, will help me explore my own thoughts on the situation. Also it will give you, the reader (if you so desire,) an insight into what I am going through at the moment.
People say that time heals all wounds, but how can you recover from a love that transcended time and distance? Though they say that true love comes once in a lifetime, I can attest to the fact that I continually fell in love, again and again, with the same person each day. I felt like my love was still growing, it had not diminished, and it had not been fully experienced or explored. I'll always regret (if in fact this is forever) that I will never know the full depths, dimensions, and aspects of giving and receiving love to/from her. As always, to my friends, family, and well-wishers, your friendship and support are much appreciated.
Song of the Day: Vibrate by Ghostland Observatory (the groove cheers me up)
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